i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize