sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
