the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
