Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
