He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
