I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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