then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
