my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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