you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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