i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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