If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Buhtt sex?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
