8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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