You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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