I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
