Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
