Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
