not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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