forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
