I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
