He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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