And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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