he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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