take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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