You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
