when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
