I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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