so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
