He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
cat food counts as protein by the way
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
