found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
smell my finger.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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