so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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