Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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