I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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