I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
