your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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