im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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