Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize