Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
