There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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