Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
