he puts the penis in happiness.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
