ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
