yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
