I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
