Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
