I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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