I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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