Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
