So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
