New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
