but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
