i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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