So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
