Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
