Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
