I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
