Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize