Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
