Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
