Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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