Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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