fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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