I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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