Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
