when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
