i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
