Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
