Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
