In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
