This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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