New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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