I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
