Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
