there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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