we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
