If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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