Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Randomize
