Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
