you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
