Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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