apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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