Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
