I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
