I cockslap morals
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
