if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
