Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
